Elliot Allen Ames arrived on Earth around 3:20am this past Monday morning. Due to the planet’s gravity, he registered 6 lbs 11 oz and he was 19.5 inches long. His 2 sisters Savannah and Sydney, who had arrived on the planet 2 and 5 years prior, were delighted to finally fulfill their dreams to hold him in their arms.

It’s no secret, Carlos Whitaker loves time lapse video. Last year he recorded his family decorating the tree using an awesome song from August Burns Red. This year, I decided to follow suit.

Internet at large… meet my soul. My soul… meet the Internet. You two will get along famously.

In fact, I think the only time I twittered about the Christian show was when I re-mentioned the Mtv one. I still think this tweet sums up my feelings nicely.

I already wrote about my experience with making the Christian video in my post How My Brain Was Washed by Christians. So I won’t rehash that here. The segment is part of the program Northpoint.tv and you can watch it online the day it airs, Sunday August 30th, if you don’t have FamilyNet.

I don’t know much about the Mtv show. I know it’s called Pranked and here is what Mashable had to say about it. Apparently it will be hosted by the guys from College Humor which, you should know, is not really safe for work most days and may or may not trip your family’s Internet content filter.

Here is the suck part. They haven’t been forthcoming with information about my segment. So while the show debuts Thursday, August 27th, I don’t really know if my clip will be in that episode. In fact, according to the paperwork I signed… it may not be featured at all. I know I made the first cut, and I know I got them the footage early, but that’s it. Oh, and even if I do make the grade, I could be mocked heavily. The show format indicates that 2 smartass types will be commentating over the videos as they play, so it stands within reason that my video could very well be so lame that the only way to salvage “the funny” is ridicule.

I just want to make people laugh and I’m not all that particular about how it happens. I don’t mind being the butt of someone’s joke.

But you don’t have to wait until Thursday or possibly forever! Here is the video.

So there you have it. My hand may or may not be visible on Mtv and/or Christian television within 2 days of each other! And while I’m not sure whether or not God still wears trucker hats, ahem Archie, I cannot deny the possibility that he is punking me.

I published 49 posts (this one will make 50) and I have 47 unpublished drafts. Here are my top 5 most-viewed posts:

1. Me and My Freakish Uvula – 858 views
2. The Child Brothels of Svay Pak – 711 views
3. Inauguration Day, Expletives, and Racial Slurs – 517 views
4. Hiding My Shame – 430 views
5. That Day I Exorcised Demons. At Burger King. – 384 views

The first one brings in views via google searches from my fellow freakish uvula bearing brethren. The second and third bring in views from individuals who are googling for “child brothels” and “f*cking nigers” respectively. I hope the first lot take the time to listen to the IJM letter. I hope the second lot never realize they are very nearly functionally illiterate. Or I hope that they do, and it causes them a terrific amount of mental anguish on a routine basis.

Here are my top 5 personal favorite posts:

1. Rerun: God and Darwin and Me on One Knee – 53 views
2. A Question Twice The Size Of My Large Intestine – 173 views
3. An Unconscionable Addiction Part 4 – 183 views
4. Rape and Coffee – 103 views
5. Keeping Your Privates, Private – 127 views

I did a series of parenting tip videos that are consistently my lowest viewed posts. So I stopped doing them after episode #5. I can’t see how they would be useful to my kids in the future, if they aren’t useful to you in the present.

I have a grand total of 13,735 views. That’s more than a bit nutty to me. Here is a break-down by month:

As expected, the more posts I write in a month, the more views I get. Also, controversial posts spark comments. And comments drive more page views because each person engaged in the conversation comes back a few times to see if anyone responded to them. On a high viewing day, a single person can represent many of the “page views” for the day in question. So if you want traffic on your blog here is what you do. Post a lot and occasionally say outlandish things. That’s not my strategy because I don’t have one. I say what I want to say when I want to say it, always considering that my daughters, and now my son, may one day read these words.

This blog has generated 584 legitimate comments and 2,573 spam comments. And while some of those are me showing appreciation to you, for your kind or insightful words, most are not me at all. When I started, I hoped that blogging publicly, as opposed to journaling privately, would generate conversations and that these conversations would help validate some of my views, fill in gaps in others, deconstruct others still, and help me grow as a person all around. Trust me when I say that I have not been disappointed in this area.

I don’t know if this means I have a successful blog. I do know that I have benefitted from this transaction considerably. I’ve always been a reader and that hasn’t changed. But now I feel myself becoming a writer. I’ve started to read books and blogs on writing. And sure, this may all be flights of passing fancy, but also, it may not.

About 4 years ago I revealed to my wife a growing desire to become a licensed marriage and family therapist. It was late at night, before bed. A fire had been unexpectedly lit within me and I explained it to her with an impressive, albeit false, nonchalance. When I was finished talking she looked at me with a contemplative-but-perplexed look and said, with less reservation than I would have preferred, “Aren’t you supposed to have a marriage worth emulating before becoming one of those?” Now, my wife is not always right about everything, but she was right in this moment and today I am thankful for her frankness in a way that my wounded pride would not permit at the time.

I tell you this story because the other day I asked my wife if she thought I could be a successful writer. She cocked her head to one side, grinned mischievously, and replied, “We’ll see.”

You can see from the poll results below, that it was a tie. 48% vs. 48%. So enough speculation already. Watch the video for the final word on the matter.

Care to take a wager?

Our church does this thing that is fairly popular with Evangelicals. They facilitate the process for regular attenders to form “small groups”. We meet once a week, usually 3-4 weeks in a row and then we take a week off each month. You’re matched up by age, location, and stage of life.

In our group we do bible studies and read books together. Often, we choose topics related to marriage and child-raising. It’s pretty laid back and it has added tremendous value to our marital relationship and our parenting ability.

One of the unexpected delights (and disappointments) is that we are encouraged to break up every year and a half or so and form a new group. This is usually a sad time at first, but it keeps the cast of characters in our lives fresh and unique. You end up befriending people who have the very basics in common with you, and sometimes little else. If it wasn’t for small group you never would have met.

Our good friends Jody, Jennifer and baby Makenna, who we met via small group, are an excellent example. I don’t golf. I’m not “outdoorsy”. I don’t have a green thumb. On the surface, Jody and I don’t have a great deal in common. Needless to say, we don’t run in the same social circles. But we’re friends now. And we have way more in common that I ever would have imagined in the beginning. He’s the kind of guy you do not want to be around if you have a weak bladder because he is so funny he will make you pee your pants. His dedication to his family and wife is an example to me.

One of the benefits we’ve enjoyed from being his friend is that on the 4th of July we get an all access pass to a well-manicured private golf course. We relax. We let the kids run as fast and (almost) as far as they want. It’s refreshing and beautiful.

While all the well-to-do rich folk are enjoying perfectly grilled filet mignon and salmon on the deck of the clubhouse, we’re lounging about on the back nine, sipping sweet tea and chewing on the Colonel’s extra crispy fried chicken, in our own private Eden.

It’s a tradition I hope we keep for many years to come.

First of all, someone needs to teach that dude how to cuss all right and proper like. I know profanity and that isn’t it! I mean, didn’t God himself have some strong feelings about “He that pisseth against the wall“?

I know I haven’t been in the club very long, but I’m still mystified. I’m assuming if he doesn’t like crap, he certainly doesn’t approve of real profanity. I read the bible roughly 5 or 6 times a week. I actually enjoy it and look forward to it. So I would think that the concerns with cussing would be, you know, obvious to me. So far they are not.

I grew up in a military family from the northern U.S. so I don’t even notice profanity half the time. It was always just a part of the scenery. It’s not even considered profane by the speaker or the recipient in most cases. It’s common dialog.

Ironically, however, I have made it a personal goal not to use profanity and for the most part, I don’t. I have my moments where I slip into old habits, but largely my language is church-appropriate on a daily basis. Here’s the thing though, I don’t do it for Jesus or for any religious conviction. My reasoning is that I want people to understand me and consider my points of view. I want to be seen as credible (don’t we all?). I don’t want my choice of words to interfere with what I have to say. In light of this, I took a look at all people and I realized the following:

A. People who cuss are tolerant of people who do not. For the most part they are understanding and respectful of the culture of the non-profane.

B. People who don’t cuss are not tolerant of people who do. For the most part if you use profanity, they will stop listening to you and avoid you entirely.

Therefore:

C. The path of most effective communication is one without cussing.

I commented in response to the “cussing pastor” post and now I’m wondering if it’s a valid perspective.

Ed has Southern Baptist tunnel vision. And I’m not talking about his theology, I’m talking about his culture. To the majority of the U.S., it’s only the reached people who are offended by “bad language”.

So if you want to save the saved, keep on wasting time on this topic. If you want to introduce unreached people to Jesus, speak to them plainly, in their vernacular.

I’m a hypocrite. I know this. Not only am I wasting more time on this, I’ve invited you to do the same. If I’d have known I was going to write this post, I can assure you I wouldn’t have written that .

I’m not advocating that people who do not use cuss words start using them in order to artificially impress others. Unless of course someone has a video camera rolling because as that scene plays out in my mind it is awkward and hilarious. What I am advocating, or at least questioning, is whether or not we should be judging Christians who already use cuss words as a natural part of their vocabulary. If I am a Christian and I’m hanging out with my friends who use cuss words as a part of everyday language, and I am fluent in the same vernacular, is it right or wrong for me to speak the common tongue?

And so, a paradox. On the one hand, I don’t want my girls to grow up with potty-mouths. On the other, I don’t want them to feel awkward or uncomfortable around people that choose to be different than them.

It seems to me that we Christians are artisan wall-builders. And the tragedy is that all of the walls we erect just so happen to be strategically positioned between nonbelievers and Jesus.

Is it only the reached people that are offended by profanity? If so, does that say something? Is profanity in the ear of the beholder? I’m searching, here. So bust out your bibles and liquor me up with some religion already. Clearly, I need it.

We tried to warn her. She thought it was funny at first. You’ll notice her hamming it up, until the candy bit her back!

Experience is the best teacher, right?

First, one of my posts was picked up as an article for Transparent Christian Magazine, a site run by Jason Elkins. Quite an honor.

Then this morning I discovered that a comment of mine won a contest over at Stuff Christians Like. The contest was to write a descriptive profile for your favorite Christian stereotype.

dewde said…
In order for an adult to “find Jesus”, they have to be brainwashed by the Christians during a season of particularly extreme vulnerability. Such as a divorce, or loss, or unemployment, or criminal conviction of some sort.

God, as it were, never seems to seek out the healthy, happy, successful types.

(except me)

So yeah. Busy week. How’s it going for you?