Comments on: Extreme Parenting: Vandalism Edition

By: Wendy

Wendy — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 07:06:27 +0000

We have something similar in our house, but its not about yelling. I have a bad habit of saying the word stupid. As in, I stubbed my toe on the stupid door. We have tried to get Kat to not call anyone stupid, so when mommy says it, she whispers to daddy that I said a bad word, and due to her poor whispering, I overhear and apologize for losing my temper. Kinda the same thing. But I don't give treats for stuff like that. Sincere apology is supposed to be stand-alone.

By: Joey

Joey — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 13:59:52 +0000

#3
I think it is okay to let your kids speak up and express themselves. However I don’t think I need to give them something special afterward. I think it is important for them to see you apologize for a mistake….
Why do they need something special just because they got hurt? What if you don’t maintain that each time?
We tell our girls we love them and Daddy or Mommy made a mistake.

That being said I really like what she is doing. As hard as it is, none yelling approach works and seems to actually save you time. Yelling always seems to make the situation last longer.
I give myself a C+ to B- depending on the day.

By: Chris F.

Chris F. — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 22:19:04 +0000

I dunno. I think "respecting authority" in your example might be synonymous with "avoiding punishment." When your kid's strategy in a given situation can be reduced to avoiding negative consequences, then you're unlikely to achieve the behavior that you really want.

By: dewde

dewde — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 21:51:29 +0000

I guess I'm a little bit old school. I want my girls to respect authority. Not necessarily agree with authority or obey authority brainlessly… but have a respect for it none-the-less.

Christine's advice about all parties following the no yelling rule sets the "No Yelling Principle" as the authority.

peace|dewde

By: dewde

dewde — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 21:48:47 +0000

"it would cut into my incessant trolling of *this* blog!"

Wouldn't /that/ be a shame.

"It'd be interesting to see more posts about her "conventional" children and how they're coping with this and what actions she's taking to make sure things work out for the best."

I agree.

peace|dewde

By: Chris F.

Chris F. — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 21:33:16 +0000

IMO, you can't sustain a healthy, power-based relationship with your kids, so I think I'm on board with her there.

By: Chris F.

Chris F. — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 21:31:43 +0000

I don't doubt that it *could* be a very positive thing in the end, but I think I'd disagree with your "just as easily" claim! Unless she's totally embellishing her experiences, their family is on a crazy ride.

It'd be interesting to see more posts about her "conventional" children and how they're coping with this and what actions she's taking to make sure things work out for the best. I should read more of her blog, I guess, but then it would cut into my incessant trolling of *this* blog!

By: dewde

dewde — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 20:15:37 +0000

Does anyone else take issue with #3 and #4? I figured I would see more controversy around those.

In the first place, it makes sense. It passes the "Do as I do" anti-hypocrisy sniff test. But on the other hand, is it giving too much power over to your kids?

peace|dewde

By: dewde

dewde — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 20:13:05 +0000

Thx Anne.

By: dewde

dewde — Mon, 15 Jun 2009 20:12:22 +0000

I have wondered this myself. On the one hand I admire her and her husband's courage, on the other hand I worry for her existing family.

However, so far from what I have read, they have the right attitude and approach to handle this correctly. It takes special people to pull this off, no doubt. Totally not for everyone.

Plus this could just as easily have a positive effect on their kids. Especially if they grow into people like their parents, and they do so with eyes wide open.

People like this can do a lot of good in the world.

peace|dewde