Comments on: You Labeled Me, I Label You

By: Sheri Johnson

Sheri Johnson — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 16:35:27 +0000

This is SO good and I truly believe it. And of course I need to work on this daily.

By: Miki

Miki — Sun, 01 Feb 2009 01:04:51 +0000

That's a great point! My brother has cerebral palsy and grew up thinking he could do whatever he wants to do. In the sheltered world of elementary school this wasn't a problem. However, when he got a little older it hit him hard that he couldn't play baseball like everyone else. He can't just go to class and not study. He has certain limitations. Then upon learning this, he thought there was something wrong with him. If he had been taught limitations early on and had come to accept them and embrace them, it would have not been as big of an issue. It's a great point to praise them for things they do have control over. Parents are always quick to praise for creativity, athletics..but those won't carry on. And rewarding them on their work ethic is right on. I was always told I was supper smart, but am first to admit I don't have much of a work eithic. I would like to put more of an emphasis on that in my children. Dewde…this is a fantastic blog topic. I've sent it out to several people. Keep them coming!

By: dewde

dewde — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 20:16:50 +0000

Excellent, excellent point Adam. Thank you for writing that. Much needed perspective to my post.

By: Adam_S

Adam_S — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 22:08:40 +0000

In general I agree with the comments and the post. But my wife (a teacher) will tell you that some children are praised far beyond their capacity and they don't have the ability to really understand what they can and can't do. They have been told by their parents that they are the best and something and then when they come to school they are not the best and they can't handle it.

The other part that is just as important is that parents sometimes believe that their children are near perfection (in part because those parents keep praising their children). These parents are then unable to hear valid critisims or suggestions for their children.

In general I agree, children need praise. And they need praise for things that they can do something about (working hard, being respectful, etc.) and not for things they can't do things about (looks, athletic ability, etc).

By: SCBubba

SCBubba — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 19:15:37 +0000

I fully agree. I've seen the studies and I've seen it in practice. My oldest daughter was always told "you are so smart" as she started out in school. Now a few years later, she's struggling to stick with things that don't just come to her. My middle daughter was praised more for "working really hard" and she handles some struggles much better.

We work on a balance of praise for who they are and for what they do. We try to avoid the fake/feel good praise. And we do not avoid delivering appropriate consequences when the situation warrants. We are not perfect and I am trying to figure out how to interact/relate with my oldest daughter better without damaging her already fragile self image.

Dewde, thanks for such thoughtful, intentional posts. You are definitely helping people think about being better parents.

Peace

By: dewde

dewde — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 03:47:13 +0000

YOU'RE disturbed? I've been wigged out all day because of you. This is some clever trolling technique I just know it…

By: Wendy

Wendy — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 02:47:56 +0000

LOL – See! God loves you, too
(Please tell me that made you laugh.)

By: Chris_F

Chris_F — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 02:42:31 +0000

I'm a little disturbed here, because I'm not used to people agreeing with me in Dewde's comments.

By: Matt

Matt — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 23:32:08 +0000

Hey, I just hopped onto your blog, and I'm really enjoying it – thoughtful and challenging. I'll definately be coming back to read some more. Until then, God bless and happy blogging!

By: dewde

dewde — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 17:02:18 +0000

Great post!

peace|dewde