Me and My Freakish Uvula
Posted on 20. Sep, 2008 by dewde in General
On the morning of Feb 1st, 2007 I woke up to discover I had 2 tongues. The word “freakish” was invented for just this occasion. My uvula, the little flappy thing that dangles at the back of a person’s throat, had grown to freakish size.
The bugs, which had been partying in my tonsils (infection) on either side of my throat the preceding night, decided to meet in the middle, at my beloved uvula, for one big blowout super-party. I was in deep sleep and unbeknown to me the raging infection/party caused my uvula to swell and grow and swell and grow. When I awoke and sat up this behemoth of a uvula, which had been laying dormant covertly on the back of my nasal passage disguised as standard run-of-the-mill phlegm, made its ugly presence known.
Reflexively, I swallowed it. It was so elongated that it stretched down into my throat, below my gag reflex. In trying to swallow, my throat was able to catch a healthy grip and give an impressive, albeit painful, tug because it was so far down. Half lucid and not fully prepared to start swallowing parts of my anatomy so early in the morning, I bolted to the sink. After gasping for air and a few vomitous heaves… I managed to cough it up into my mouth. To which my mouth reflexes said, “More phlegm? Swallow!” *Gulp*. I went back and forth in this cycle of cough! swallow! cough! swallow! a few times while I tried to collect my wits. Eventually I managed to control the mouth reflex by treating my uvula like a giant wad of gum, holding it between my tongue and bottom teeth.
At this point it occurred to me that I am now unable to swallow, eat, drink, articulate words, or take medication. I had to concentrate just to keep it up out of my throat at all times. The last thought scared me because I knew I had a date with a fever in about an hour. I had been rotating in and out at regular intervals all week and only medication had been able to break it. But now I couldn’t take medicine.
I ran to the upstairs balcony and yelled down to my wife, “Sumthids wahn! Sumthids Wahn! Cah suhb-wuhb thoo wath Thydney” (Something’s wrong! Something’s wrong! Call someone to watch Sydney). My sister was just the suhb-wuhb we were looking for. She arrived in what seemed like minutes, and Dewdette rushed me to the ER. All the while I focused on keeping my wad of “gum” tucked under my tongue and concentrated on each breath, reminding my body not to swallow because a uvula, it turns out, is attached to every moving part in your throat responsible for ingestion.
I now hold the record for largest uvula admitted into North Fulton Medical Center. Go me. The nurse says, “You don’t mind if I show the other nurses, do you?” to which I reply, “Not at all, I’m a social butterfly and love the attention.” But of course it comes out, “Nob ab ahh, Ib ah thoboo buhwuhfwuh an wub the athenthuhn.” Drool, drool, grin. Realizing my impairment, I nodded my head no-problem style and gave a smile. She exited and quickly returned with a spectator.
It’s a lot less dramatic after the oglings. The doc arrived and, after a quick exam, joked about how I reminded him of that guy from Wayne’s World. Pardon me if I don’t laugh at your jokes, bro, my uvula is the size of Texas. They hooked me up to an IV, gave me a strong antibiotic, and also a steroid to reduce the swelling. A little over an hour later and it had shrunk enough so that it was above my gag reflex (yay). That meant I could choose to flop it in my throat or keep it on my tongue. It was still freakishly long, but not life-threatening. I could eat watery foods, breath, drink, breath, take liquid medicine, cough, clear my throat, breath, interject witticisms, and yes, breath. You know, the good stuff you take for granted most days.
For you twisted folks, I have included my freakshow pictures below. Remember, these are the post-ER, he-is-well-enough-to-go-home-now, road-to-recovery pictures. I was in no frame of mind to take pictures when my life was seemingly in peril. So as ugly as these are… it was much, much worse before I went to the ER.
I don’t have any words of wisdom or penetrating questions for you this post. It’s more along the lines of “This sucked but I lived and now it’s funny. Gawk at my gross pictures.”
John
Sep 21st, 2008
I wish you had seesmic commenting on… because my reaction would have better described my feelings than just typing out this bland response…
gross.
sue
Sep 21st, 2008
reading this post was like driving by a car wreck…i wanted to look away, but the flashing lights (fantastic writing) kept reeling me in!
Matt H.
Sep 21st, 2008
Oh my, and pictures too!
D:
dewde
Sep 21st, 2008
LOL Thanks Sue!
John, I can’t do the Seesmic deal on my blog. I’m involved in other sites that attract a lot of attention from griefers on a routine basis. It wouldn’t be pretty.
Matt, but of course!
Chris F.
Sep 22nd, 2008
I just wish you and dewdette had the foresight to recognize the importance of this moment and taken photos in the beginning!
dewde
Sep 22nd, 2008
Me too!
It was a lot scarier than I made it sound here. It kept slipping back down into my throat and causing me to gag, gasp, and sputter. I was drooling all over the place because I literally could not swallow without accidentally ingesting my uvula.
But yeah, in hindsight pics would have rocked.
http://wendyschewonthis.blogspot.com/
Sep 25th, 2008
(I got here via don miller’s blog)
I have had this happen before. It is very freakish and scary. And please forgive me but I laughed out loud till I cried as you described you situation in the first few paragraphs.
Glad eveythings o.k. now. What was the cause? The bug party? Did the ER folks get more specific?
dewde
Sep 25th, 2008
@Wendy:
Don rocks. Yeah they said it was just an infection. It appears that once it happens the first time it is likely to occur again and it has. I had to go to a clinic about 6 months later for the same thing. I caught it earlier so it wasn’t as severe. Both times I had a cold with sore throat, so that is the first clue I need to be mindful.
John
Sep 26th, 2008
YO, switch the side that the comments are on and the side that the info is on. This way I won’t submit my own rant before realizing there are required fields that I never noticed.
Beam me up scottie.
Mark
Nov 15th, 2008
Freakish indeed! I found your blog though Human3rror's blog. Good read!
Miki
Dec 2nd, 2008
I have the best friends!!!
jim
Aug 25th, 2009
Me and my freakish uvula. Your pictures most helpful. Reasures me that I'm not a freak after all. My question is ( Why the consultant didn't trim your uvula further back to leave only half an inch long? why still leave it so long?) I've had a long uvula for over 3 years. Please let me know if your uvula has got smaller since pictures were displayed? Are you on any medication? thanks again.
dewde
Aug 26th, 2009
My uvula shrunk back to its normal size, but I have friends, who had similar experiences, tell me that their uvulas are now longer than before.
I am not on medication. Within a few days… all was normal.
If your uvula isn't causing you any physical discomfort… I say leave it alone. Love you for you.
Thanks for stopping in!
peace | dewde
jim
Aug 26th, 2009
Hi Dewde!
Your quick reply most appreciated.
My symptoms are very dry and tender throat. Always trying to clear mucus from back of throat owing to length of uvula. No pain when eating or swallowing. Breathing normal.
what is a normal length for a uvula? and how long is your uvula as you now say that it has returned to normal?
I gargle with salt water drink plenty water and sip Manuka honey.
Thanks again for your moat appreciated comments.
Warm regards
jim
David
Jan 16th, 2010
Haha, yeah, I know your EXACT feeling, man. I've been having a problem with my uvula for the last three years or so. Usually it will only infame to about 3/5 the size of what yours did with this episode. I've had the swelling get to the same size as yours two times, though. It's definitely the pits. Once, I almost bit down on it when I was eating! Similar to you, when I went to the ER the person who checked me out first asked if he could call some other people over to take a look at it lol.
Just like some others you have talked to, my uvula is no longer the normal size. My uvula is about 2-3 times the length of a normal person's. It is skinny though, most of the time. About four times a year it will inflame. My uvula probably has a higher chance to inflame when I'm sick, but it has inflamed out of the blue before as well.
jim
Feb 4th, 2010
Hi David,
Good to read that I am not the only one who has had a long uvula for over 3 years.My doctor said that he hasn;t seen anyone with a uvula as long as mine,one inch longer than normal. It is thick and inflamed yet he feels that I should live with it and not go to hospital to have it cut back to normal size. He says that after the operation one can suffer a number of side effects???. Any help on any medication to help the inflamation? Has anything changed since your last message? Any comments from anyone would be much appreciated.
Thanks again folk.
jim